On this edition of ‘how we met’, I have the privilege of sharing Shweta and Amar’s love story. They are parents from my little ones (who’s not so little anymore) school. Shweta and I bonded over our love for writing. She’s a working mum and a blogger by the side and her sense of humour is out of this world.
I find her writing style intriguing and I hope you do too, you can check out some of her blog posts here. You’ll definitely be hearing more from Shweta on the blog. In the meantime please enjoy her beautiful how we met story – a decade and forever.
Thank you, Shweta. 🙏🏽
A decade of Love(10 years).
Last year my husband and I celebrated 10 years of togetherness. That’s a decade with one person! And the first thought that comes to my mind is wtaf! Like where has the time gone?!
From university students to becoming parents, we’ve done everything together. We’ve grown up together from the fresh-faced kids we were at university. Gone are the days of staying in a cinema for the entire day because it was too hot outside and we had a day off! We have spent entire weekends at the cinema in 2009 because of a combination of an unbearable summer and not much else to do!
So what happens when I begin to reminisce about the last decade? For one, I begin to resent the busyness of life in the now. I wish for an hour when we both can be with each other without the kids needing us or us discussing regular routine life. To be able to see each other without the parent or teammate hat on..as just us. The foundation on which rests our life and legacy. I want us to clean our glasses and see each other as the people we fell in love with. The gangly boy and the bespectacled nerdy girl.
I met Amar on 4th Oct 2008 and he was the 4th person I met in the UK since landing there that morning. I was flustered and jet-lagged, eager to drop my bags in university accommodation and call it a day. I walked into the university flat and saw the guy, big glasses and a red and black checked shirt eating cereal out of a football bowl. Turns out, we were the only two Indians in the flat. In 12 people, the two of us found someone we could talk to, relate our troubles to and cook Indian food together.
Food has been a massive part of our relationship. We were known as the cooker and dishwasher pair at university! I cooked and he chopped and cleaned! It was a good deal until he caught on and decided to learn to cook by himself! All the cooking experiments that we both subjected each other to, are hilarious- notably, in the early years of our relationship, I really wanted to cook Upma, a roasted semolina dish with spices, onions and chillies. This dish needs hot water added to it, in small bursts as it expands and absorbs water as you stir it. When I made it the very first time, I kept adding water and it kept getting bigger and bigger. With no one to guide me, I got super nervous and spend half the evening in the toilet as the stress triggered my IBS! 10 years later, when our son was born and my mother in law was here to take care of us, one of the first things Amar learned to cook was Upma, because I love it and had never had the courage to cook it since that dreadful first attempt!
So what are the things I’ve learned after loving and sometimes hating the man I’ve loved for nearly 11 years now:
Love is NOT all fun and roses: All couples learn this about 7-8 months into the relationship, it’s not all about kisses and passion. You’re actually with another human being who has opinions, ideas and habits that you will find infuriating. In fact, if you find yourself agreeing to everything your partner says and does, run for the hills. Your relationship has to be worked on, and like another work- it’s at times, very very hard to work at and you do it because you love them.
No one will love you the way you want to be loved– Yep, I said it! As two very very different individuals, our love languages are miles apart. Amar is all about actions – he will cook for me, do the laundry, cuddle on the sofa, expect me to continuously stroke his arm as he drives or sits next to me and will cuddle me at night. But ask him to say it in words and I’ll get nothing- nada. After years and years of saying I love you on the phone and at the end of most nights and fights, he says it now. His love language is clearly all about actions and doing- whereas I’m a words and gestures person. I find a funny picture and I’ll send it to him. Go crazy on his birthday with food and gifts and he won’t bat an eyelid, because that’s not his thing. Coming to an understanding that all love is expressed and that you have to see it to know it, is a very very important lesson I learnt. He loves me immensely, just in his own way!
Give each other space– As an only child, I’m used to being on my own and in fact, love my company. Being one of those couples who do everything together has never been us. Amar meditates, runs and cycles- all by himself. He ran the London marathon in 2017 and I cheered him like crazy. I paint, do life coaching, blogging and bake. And he supports me wholeheartedly. We each take time off to do these things and come back to life refreshed and recharged. Life tends to get too busy and taking a break to find your centre is key to a happy and thriving relationship.
Be strong for each other- Every human being struggles, even the most sorted person. After the birth of our kids, I had postnatal depression. Amar was there for me and helped me through it and got me the best possible care. Through all illnesses and family issues, we’ve stood by each other and kept the other person strong. We have a deal- one person breaks down and the other holds them up.
Always know what’s at the core- We all have flaws and challenges and as a couple, it’s sometimes hard to keep your head on straight when you’re arguing. And boy have Amar and I had our share of arguments! Everything from stinky farts to accounting to how to arrange the dishwasher has been argued upon and we will continue to argue about everything under the sun. What we never forget and lose sight of is what is our core. At the core is a relationship that is forged on mutual trust, a love that has endured everything from unemployment to hospitalisations and a lot of change. We remain solid and will always weather the storm.
Since we got together in our early twenties, we’ve grown together, found each other and build a life and put down roots. Our journey through the first decade of adulthood has taught us so much and we only hope to endure in love and togetherness- ending up on a bench, in a park, all old and grey, arguing about the right way to feed ducks while the sunsets.
Read more from Shweta here.