This morning, I was chatting with my boys, as we normally do Whilst getting ready for school when my eldest shocked me by saying “mum, I looked you up on Google yesterday” 😵. “What!” I said.
He explained that during their free time, he and his friends decided to search for their parents’ name on google. My mind went blank at first… What a let down that would have been- cause he wouldn’t have found anything – I thought. “So what did you see,” I asked anyway. He was smiling at me as he told me how he found information about my book, saw a lovely picture of me and he told his friends his mum is an author…
My mind went back to the 1st time he saw a copy of ‘Mum, My Superhero” and how proud he was. He asked me if he could sell some copies to his friends so he could make some money 😎. That day was one of my happiest, I’ll add him telling me how he read about my book on google to the list.
I’d never searched my name on google before that day because, for a long time, I’ve felt like an underachiever. Even after writing this beautiful book, I didn’t feel a lot better about myself. I thank God for using my Son to open my eyes to see myself in a better light and appreciate his grace upon my life.
So of course immediately we got in the car (hubby was driving) I searched for my name and I saw what he saw. He searched for Abi Adewoye (people call me Abi here in the UK as my husband did not want me to go by my usual ‘Bimbo’ because of its derogatory meaning in English). It’s basically just pages where you can buy my book, my website URL and a few images. But I was content. This is only the beginning. I hope the next time he checks, they’ll be more ‘inspiring’ information about his mum on google.
Responsibilty to Children
As parents, we have to be mindful of our actions and even utterances because, nowadays, everything ends up online. What will your child see when they search your name online? Is it something they’ll be proud to share with their friends? Or information that will embarrass them and scar them forever…
Remember, children look up to their parents and also tend to copy them. No one in this world is perfect, but we can all try to live a life that our children are proud of, and can emulate.
Now I know I have to work harder not just for myself, but for these two and others like them who God has put in our care with a responsibility to guide and lead in the right direction.
Mum My Superhero
So have you bought the book? Remember it’s the perfect gift for birthdays, anniversaries, mothers day etc. Do you have a friend or sister who is overwhelmed? Motherhood is hard work and can be quite exhausting, why not get them a copy of the book as a gift. Reading the book will cheer them up and so will the fact that they’re in your thoughts.
Please follow this link or 👇🏾 for purchase options and you can get copies directly from me. May I implore you to please leave a review on any of this sites:
Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. You cannot begin to imagine how much it means to me, you guys rock 👌🏾.
Mum, My Superhero has to be the best book I’ve read about the realities of motherhood. Written in simple language, and clearly from the heart of a mother, the book documents the daily sacrifices and the never-ending jobs of mothers across the world. It also captures our struggles and skills of time and people management we seem to have been born with…in a fun way too! If ever you could take a break from ‘duty’ and bask in the cape of a superhero so deserved, or simply for the pleasure of reading a good book, then this is the book to pick up. Enjoy. Mrs Morenike St. Michael (Head, Pastoral care and Admin Springhall British School Abuja)
Tiger Woods is one of the most famous athletes of all time. He became famous because he began his career as the youngest man ever (21yrs), and the first African American to win the US Masters.
Tiger went on to have a very impressive career as the highest ranking golfer from August 1999 to September 2004. He was a major dominating figure in golf as of that time, winning 13 major golf championships.
Woods was courted by the best brands in the world and he signed millions of dollars representing brands such as Nike, Accenture, General Motors, American Express, At&T, Gatorade, Gilette etc.
Following Wood’s fall from grace in 2009 – as a result of a sex scandal, most of the brands that endorsed him dropped him, while some waited for his contract to expire and did not renew it. Only 2 brands kept him on, Nike and Electronic Art. It has been reported that Nike suffered a shareholders loss of between $5billion and $12 billion but they still stuck by him and herein lies our lesson for today. 😊
Nike is generally known for that, they tend to stick to their ambasdadors in bad times (as long as they did not do anything illegal). Be like Nike 😉.
Reading the Nike/Woods story took my mind to friendship – the great friendships I have and still enjoy and the ones that I’ve let go of, albeit with lessons.
The best test of friendship is hardship, or a low period. That’s when you know your real friends, as it is frequently said, “success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan”.
Success is sweet and certainly has many friends. The moment an individual falls from grace, friendships start to wither. You can ask people that have occupied positions of power before, or celebrities in the limelight, once you lose your position or social status, the invitations stop coming in, the phone calls and visits as well.
That is why it is important to always know who your real friends are. Nike stuck with Tiger through his personal and medical problems and they are better for it. Thanks to the iconic swoosh symbol prominently featured on Woods’s hat, shirt, pants and shoes, the Masters’ win of April 2019, is worth about $22,540,000 to Nike, according to Apex Marketing data.
Did they capitalise on his win – yes, did they deserve to, absolutely. They stuck with him at his lowest I see nothing wrong in making some good money from his amazing come back.
Friendship should be about seeing the best in others and believing in them, despite their mistakes. It is about not deserting people at their lowest times.
Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between people. There are different forms of friendships, but a good friendship involves kindness, love, loyalty, forgiveness, sympathy, empathy, trust and compassion.
Friendship is a very important part of human relationship. We start making friends from toddlers, up until we exit the earth. Friendships’ characteristics change with different stages of our lives. It evolves from just sharing common activities as children to it becoming more about a common interest, giving and sharing as adolescents to more serious aspects like companionship and emotional support as older adults. Friendship always remains a key aspect of our life and existence.
Friendship is not a ‘must’ but it certainly does the soul some good to have a healthy friendship. It is often said that if you want a good friend, be one. Also, Seek for good traits in people and be very careful because not everyone has good intentions. Some people will seek out your friendship just for what they can get from you, their friendship is not genuine. Such people can be described as fair-weather friends”.
“There are friends who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother”
So, what kind of friend are you? Are you one that is there for the good times and disappears at the first sign of trouble? That is how fair weather friends behave.
A Fairweather friend is a person whose friendship cannot be relied on in times of difficulty. The Cambridge dictionary describes a fair-weather friend – as someone who is a good friend when it is easy to be one and who stops being one when you are having problems.
Loyalty is one of the most essential ingredients of friendship. I’m not encouraging blind loyalty, there are some things that should not be condoned. However, a friend that shows up only for the good time stinks. Lots of people expect loyalty but are not ready to practise it. If you want a friend, be a friend.
Life can really be challenging, having one or two (could be more) loyal friends certainly makes it easier. Loyalty in friendship means:
Being honest and authentic: it’s great to have a friend and be a friend who can say it as it is. Tell your friend when their actions are wrong and commend when they are right. It’s great to have a friend who will want you to know the truth, no matter what. It is giving an honest opinion, whether your friend will like it or not.
Share happiness: a loyal friend should genuinely be happy whenever good things happen in their friends’ life.
A loyal friend does not do conditional friendship. They are there to stay, it should not be a “rub my back I rub yours” situation. A loyal friend is there for the good and bad not for what they can get. They comfort, cheer and encourage.
Defend and support: A loyal friend will defend you when you’re not there. A loyal friend will also stick by you when you find yourself in a bad situation, even if it’s your fault. They’ll tell you how you messed up but will help to find a solution. They don’t gossip behind your back or indulge people who gossip about you.
Loyal friends are impartial. They love you for who you are irrespective of how you look or your background. They accept you for who you are.
Loyalty is an integral part of friendship, what is friendship if there is no loyalty? The Stanford encyclopedia of philosophy puts it this way -“Loyalty is usually seen as a virtue, albeit a problematic one”. Being a loyal friend does not mean becoming a walk over. If loyalty is not appreciated or reciprocated, it should be reconsidered.
There should always be room for mistakes in friendships because being human, we are bound to err, friendship is all about forgiving. There should also be boundaries, and care should be taken so that one’s loyalty and devotion is not taken for granted.
Let’s try to be loyal friends, everyone could do with a loyal friend in their corner. 😘
A step-dad refused to pay for his daughter’s wedding at the last minute because she allowed her biological father back into her life.
I came across this interesting story on Facebook. I did a little research on it and even though the story – posted on Reddit in 2003- has not been verified, it is nonetheless still intriguing.
Have a read and please let me know your thoughts 😊.
My step-daughter will be getting married on August 3rd. The wedding planning has consumed most of her and her mother’s life (I say her mother because we aren’t married, though we’ve lived together for 10 years) for the past six months.
My step-daughter graduated last December from University. I paid for her to go to college, though it was a state school, it still ran $40K. She does not have a job and has been living with us for the duration of her college career and since her graduation. I also bought her a car to get back and forth from school when she finished high school.
From time to time her deadbeat father would pop into her life and she would fawn all over him. Although he has not contributed a cent to her education or paid any child support, though that is my girlfriend’s fault as c.s. was not part of the settlement, she still loves him and wants him in her life. He stays long enough to break her heart by skipping town and breaking some promise that he made her.
The wedding venue holds 250 people max. I gave them a list of 20 people that I wanted invited, you know, since I was paying for everything. They told me that was no problem and they’d take care of it. So I let these people know they’d be getting an invite and they should save the date. Saturday, I saw one of my friends on this list at the golf course and asked if he was coming. He told me that he wasn’t invited. He told me that he got an announcement, but not an invitation. He had it in his back seat (along with probably six months of mail) and showed it to me. Sure enough, it was just an announcement, and my name was nowhere on it. It had her dad’s name and her mom’s name and not mine.
This led to a pretty big fight with my GF, as I found out that NONE of my list of twenty “made the cut” for the final guest list because “250 people is very tight.” I was pissed, but not a hell of a lot I could do because the important people in my life had already been offended. My GF said “if some people didn’t rsvp yes, I might be able to get a couple people in.” But that is an ultimate slap in the face in my opinion. So, I was boiling on Saturday.
Yesterday, we had a Sunday dinner with the future in-law’s family and us and a surprise guest, the “Real Dad.” At this little dinner my step-daughter announced that her “Real Dad” was going to be able to make it to her wedding and that now he’d be able to give her away. This was greeted with a chorus of “Oh how great” and “How wonderful”s.
I don’t think I have ever felt so angry and so disrespected. I was shaking. I took a few seconds to gather my composure, because I honestly wasn’t sure if I would cry or start throwing punches or both. Once I was sure I’d be able to speak I got up from my chair and said I’d like to make a toast. I can’t remember exactly what I said but the gist of it was this:
“I’d like to make a toast.” The sound of spoons against glasses ring in my years. “It has been my great pleasure to be a part of this family for the past ten years.” Awe, how sweet. “At this point in my life I feel I owe a debt of gratitude to bride and groom, because they have opened my eyes to something very important.” Confident smiles exchanged. “They have showed me that my position in this family is not what I once thought it was.” And now a glimmer of confusion and shock begins to spread on the faces in the room. “Though I once thought of myself as the patriarch or godfather of the family, commanding great respect and sought out for help in times of need, it seems instead that I hold the position of an ATM, good for a stream of money, but not much else. As I have been replaced as host, both on the invitations and in the ceremony, I am resigning my financial duties as host to my successor, Real Dad. So cheers to the happy couple and the path they have chosen.” I finished my drink. “You all can let yourselves out.”
Is this selfish? I’m supposed to shell out 40 – 50 grand for a wedding that I can’t invite anyone to? That I am not a part of? I’m so done with this crap. I’m done with my step-daughter, I’m done with my GF. I transferred the money out of our joint account last night. (she has not had a job since she moved in with me) This morning I called all the vendors I had written checks to for deposits to refund my money. At present it looks like I’ll lose around 1500, for the venue, but the other vendors have been great about refunding.
Would you have done the same or do you think he overreacted?
I read a heart-breaking report of a 10-year-old’s suicide as a result of bullying. The news, like every other bullying news, sent shivers down my spine as my heart ached for the bereaved family – how did it get so bad? How did he know what to do? How could this have been prevented? Those were some of the questions running through my mind as I pondered on the story.
The world is very different from when we were growing up. A lot of things that we were shielded from, have to be discussed with our children early. There’s a need to stay on top of happenings in their life, ask questions – don’t stop asking questions.
Some parents are lucky as their children quickly tell them everything going on, but some children are more reserved and keep to themselves. It is the responsibility of the parent to look for ways of getting information out of them so as to be sure that all is well with them.
What if your child is a bully?
Bullying according to the Anti-Bullying Alliance is a repetitive behaviour that involves an imbalance of power.
Most parents don’t like to think their child is a bully, but the truth is most children at some point or other have bullied another child but some just make a habit of it.
Parents have a huge responsibility to watch their children for bullying traits, it’s not just the parents of the victims that should be cautious.
Interestingly, it’s quite easy to spot bullying traits in children as it mostly starts with teasing. A child that teases their siblings or friends or even parents relentlessly should be cautioned and steps should be taken to ensure they stop it. Teasing in itself is not bullying, but when it becomes hurtful, unkind and constant then it crosses the line into bullying and needs to stop.
Look out for aggressive or negative response to or about other children, having money or belongings that are not theirs, report from other parents or teachers about aggressive behaviour, etc. These points don’t necessarily mean a child is a bully, but they should just be checked to prevent or stop irrational behaviour.
Here are a few reasons why children might be unkind to other kids:
The need to fit in with a group of friends who are picking on another child.
Attention seeking from parents, teachers or classmates.
A child could be more assertive and impulsive than their peers.
A tendency to perceive the behaviour of others as hostile even if it is not.
A child is getting bullied at home or at school and is trying to regain a sense of power.
An inability to fully grasp how their behaviour is making the victim feel.
If you notice your child bullies their sibling or even a parent and it’s getting out of hand, you should seek help for them because chances are that they are doing worse to another child at school.
Types of bullying
Bullying can come in different forms, just as bullies also come in different forms. A bully can operate alone or as part of a group. None is more dangerous than the other as both forms can have devastating outcomes if not dealt with on time.
Bullying can be any of the following:
Indirect or Verbal Bullying (Teasing, name-calling, rumour spreading, etc.).
Direct or Physical bullying (Hitting, kicking – causing bodily harm)
Virtual or Cyber Bullying (threats or name-calling via social media, sharing private photos or videos etc.)
Bullying can be a combination of all the 3 forms mentioned above. None of these is better than the other as they can all result in horrible outcomes.
Effects of bullying
The results of bullying are always negative, particularly on the victim. Bullies pick on the sensitive points of their target to oppress them leaving them feeling threatened and powerless. Interestingly, it does have negative effects on the bully as well.
The target of a bully could experience any of the following:
Poor academic performance.
Feeling upset and inferior.
Feeling Shut out.
Parents should talk to their children about bullying from an early age. Always let your children/ward understand that NO ONE has the right to bully them. No one means exactly what it is, not a sibling, friend, school mate (junior or senior) or teacher has the right to bully them.
In as much as most schools have anti-bullying policies and try to sensitize the children about bullying and its effects, the bulk of the responsibility lies on the parents. It is the parents’ duty to ensure their child is not being bullied nor are they bullies.
If your child is being bullied, it is natural for you to want the child to fight back. Please refrain from doing so as it can escalate into violence with someone else getting injured. Instead, you can advise them to try the following:
Ignore the bully as much as possible, if this does not work stand up for yourself and tell the bully off.
If the above does not work, the child should report to a teacher that can be trusted. This teacher can alert other teachers to keep an eye on the situation.
Tell a friend they can trust, It’s always good to have a witness if possible. Moreover, a friend can offer good moral support or together you can stand up against the bully, especially if it’s group bullying.
Keep records of dates, times and instances the bullying occurred.
Speak to the school counsellor about the bullying.
Most importantly, children should be advised to speak to their parents first about any case of bullying.
Bullies are not monsters from outer space or red horned demons, they are normal human beings like you and me – sometimes harmless-looking children and sometimes adults. The government tries its best to make sure schools have an anti-bullying policy but as stated earlier, parents have a huge role to play in putting an end to bullying.
Parents should do all they can to raise confident children. This will make it difficult for anyone to bully them, and if it happens they’re confident enough to ask for help if they can’t cope.
Tips for raising confident children include:
Love your child/ren.
Always give praise where it is due.
Model self-love and positive self-talk.
Encourage sports and other physical activities.
Do not draw comparisons between children.
Don’t offer insincere praise.
Let them help, give them chores to do.
Encourage curiosity, let them figure things out themselves.
Don’t make exceptions for them.
Be a good role model.
The truth is for parents of bullies, it is never pleasant to realise your child is bullying someone else’s child but it is essential you act fast. Rather than being in denial take actions to curb it. Make your child understand their actions are hurtful and harmful and they need to apologise and stop it.
Parents should also watch themselves and the way they respond to situations as most children behave like their parents. If you’re a bully, your child will very likely be a bully too.
Whatever the cause of bullying, a parent should talk to their child about it so as to understand their point of view. Communication is key in curbing bullying. A parent also has to monitor the situation, check your child’s online activity and watch how they talk to people.
Bullying is not easy both for the parent of the target as well as the bully. It is imperative that we stay connected to our children, listen to them, get involved with their life as much as possible and most importantly show kindness and respect to people. They are likely to pick those traits.
You should be more watchful if your child has a weight problem (over-weight or skinny) or is very shy as bullies pick on weight, religion, race or even social standing.
Unfortunately, health conditions are not left out as was the case with 10-year-old Seven bridges who took his own life after being repeatedly bullied at school for wearing a colostomy bag because of a bowel condition. There was another case of 9-year-old Maddison Whittsett who hanged herself because she was being bullied. She had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and was occasionally bullied at school, with friends calling her”stupid” and “dumb”.
It’s alarming the number of child suicide – due to bullying – I read about while writing this post. I’m sure most of the families involved would never have thought it could happen to them. That is why it is important to monitor your child’s well-being. Even if you have to change classes or even schools – please do not delay.
Please don’t shy away from seeking help for your child if it’s getting out of hand.
The readers that follow me on Instagram will recall the story of my friend Jana whose son was hailed a local hero for saving his mum’s life. Jana was driving home as usual after pick up – I’d even chatted with her while we waited for our boys to finish football and all was well. She became unwell whilst driving and barely made it into the house before she collapsed!
Her 7-year-old son was able to call emergency service and comfort his 1-year-old sister whilst they waited for the ambulance. The local police and response team were so pleased with the way he handled the situation and was able to get them to the house that he was hailed a local hero. He has had several newspaper interviews and a television appearance.😊Oh yes, like my son said: “Noah is famous now”. Thankfully she is fine now and the only problem the last time I checked was who Noah would choose as his new best friends – cause he has been approached by a lot of boys who want to be friends with him as “he is the only famous person they know” 😉.
Anyway, this story had me thinking of my boys and wondering how equipped they are to deal with emergencies. God forbid that we find ourselves in one, but the truth is these things do happen.
Being the wonderful person that I am 😛, I have decided to share some important things our children should be aware of based on my research. As usual, please feel free to leave comments. Thank you
Dialing emergency service: This is very crucial as it could save your life or the life of whoever is with them. From an early age, children should be told what the emergency number is. Of course, this is different in different countries but whatever country you are, make sure your children not only know the emergency number but how to dial it. It is also important to teach them how to assess when it is necessary to dial the number. It should only be dialed when someone needs help right away because of a serious injury or an immediate danger. This should be reiterated and if possible rehearsed often so that whenever the need arises, they are prepared.
Ensure that your children know important information such as your home address, your name, and your phone number. Phone numbers are sometimes hard to learn – even adults struggle with it. It is important to help them learn it and also write it clearly on a sheet of paper and keep in an agreed safe pouch in their school bag or whatever bag they carry on them when they go out. This is not only necessary for cases where they dial emergency service but also for situations where they have somehow gotten lost they can give details to a responsible adult to call their parents. It even happens in big stores, one minute they are behind you, the next you can’t find them, no matter how young, they should know their parents’ name so it can be announced. It’s just easier for everyone.
Make sure your children are aware of any allergies/medical conditions in the family. They should be informed of their own allergies as well as that of their parents and siblings. Children should know where allergy cards are kept, this could save a life.
Practise family evacuation plan, let them know what to do in case of fire or any natural disaster. Talk about these things with your children, some of us think they’re too young and we’re protecting them but from the age of 4, children should be told about emergency situations and how to react. Teach them how to react in case of a burglary, when it is safe to call emergency service or to hide etc.
Children should be told about the dangers of opening the door for strangers or talking to strangers. Keep all doors locked at all times, and warn them not to open the door for anyone. They should be taught situations in which they should run, hide or scream.
We watched Home-alone with the boys over Christmas and it was a good opportunity to explain different emergency scenarios to them. Even though I got some hilarious superhero kind of response from them on how they will handle emergencies, I also got to explain more situations and how to respond. Watching documentaries about how to respond to emergencies could also help get the message across successfully.
Teenagers and young adults.
Parents of teenagers and older kids, need to give them more information as they are going through the independence stage and would be doing more things without their parents or even without any guidance. I found some good precaution guide on safekids.co.uk and they include:
Carry a whistle, alarm or even pepper spray.
Never take short cuts through secluded areas unless in a large group
Walk facing traffic so a car can’t pull up behind you.
Always keep valuables well hidden and keep their phones, mp3s out of sight to avoid mugging.
Do not use any device that requires earphones at night so they can hear when someone is approaching.
Always ask the name of the driver if they call a taxi and check when it arrives, they should also always sit at the back of a taxi.
Sit near the driver on a bus and in a busy carriage on a train.
Learn to say NO to whatever they are not comfortable with no matter who it is.
Go into a shop or busy place if there’s a suspicion of being followed.
Report anything unusual to your parent.
And in cases where children are home alone, the following is advised;
Always have your key ready before you get home. Keep all doors locked once in and let your parents know where you are.
Keep a chain in the door and answer only if you can see that you know who it is.
Call your parents and neighbours if worried about anything.
Do not stay alone with an adult or older teenager unless your parents say it is okay.
I think it is imperative that parents put their children, especially female children through a self-defense class. We live in an unsafe world and unfortunately, young females find themselves preyed on more often than not. A basic self-defense training can go a long way in some situations. Also, let them know to scream for help in threatening situations.
Please if you live in a country where the emergency lines are not reliable, ensure that your children know who to call in case of emergency. Please write numbers of reliable family members and attach to the fridge or wherever they can easily get it from and dial for help.
Most homes these days don’t have landlines and a lot of us use our mobile phones. Please ensure that your children know how to dial emergency numbers on a locked phone. This is because most mobile phones are locked when not in use.
I was informed by my son’s school and also by my son of a lockdown drill at school on what to do in case of an attack. It scared me but that’s the reality of our world now. Not only do we have to be alert but we have to teach our children how to be alert. The schools take them through fire drills, lockdown drills etc. But sadly we don’t train them on how to deal with emergencies at home. They should know basic safety precautions such as;
not to talk to strangers
Not to answer the door
They should know where smoke alarms are and what to do when it goes off.
Ensure all doors are shut and switches are off before going to bed.
Know where to find basic first aid kit etc.
Personal information should not be given to strangers.
You never know when a natural disaster could occur, especially for people who live in disaster-prone areas. It is generally advised that everyone should have a disaster supply kit(parents.com.)
This kit should contain items such as;
three days (or more) supply of water and non perishable food,
can opener and other tools
supplies such as paper cups, plastic utensils and a compass
First-aid supplies, prescription and non-prescription medication, sanitation products.
Items for baby like diapers, formula, flashlight, entertainment etc.
It’s a very long list, please check out www.parents.com for more on Natural disasters.
No one prays for emergencies, but they do happen even to the best of us. It is therefore in our own interest to prepare ourselves and our family for such occurrences.