Hey Deki, how’re you doing… It’s a year since you’ve been gone, I’m not even sure why that’s a big deal, 1 day, 10 days, 40 years, it’s all the same, nothing changes the fact that you’re gone! It’s still unreal, how can it be! You were too much of a force to take such an early bow!
Hey Deki, it’s been a year, a year of not talking to you, not seeing you, not holding you. It’s been a full year of doing life without you. The void you left is massive, your absence always felt. Sometimes I bask in the sweet memories, luckily they are too many. Then there are days I get enveloped with grief, that burning pain, it never goes away you know. Thankfully the memories help to keep it at bay. Sometimes I intentionally let it in, but other days it just creeps on me, the truth is, it’s always there.
A few friends and family have asked if there’s going to be a memorial in your honour. It was also raised in the family chat. but unsurprisingly, no one said a word. You know how different we all are yet still so similar, and one of our major similarities is our love of privacy (I’m sure if not for me, no one will know anything about you guys). But even as much as I am an extrovert, I still am an introvert, I’m sure you understand what I mean cause you knew me so well. A memorial will be just too much as people will gather and talk about you as if you were gone – yes I know it’s true – but a solemn gathering to remember and pray will make it too real.
The last couple of weeks have had me questioning God again,(yes I thought I’d sorted that with him already too), alas I haven’t! But our God is ever so magnanimous; indulges our weeping, understands our weakness and offers comfort the way no one can. Then I wipe my tears and wear my smile again.
Yet I can’t help but wonder if perhaps you and those gone are better off! Spared the hurt and pain, and everything in between. The world is still as wicked and pretentious as you left it (if not more). People still judge and some of the evil ones are still busy with their evil. But then the Lord opens my eyes to the love, the friendship and the purity. We’ve enjoyed some of the latter immensely after you left! Some of your friends from as far back as primary school all came out to comfort us. But can there be any comfort? What really is ‘comfort’ after such a huge loss!
We miss you terribly; I miss you terribly. Your chats are still intact (I often read them), I still watch, your videos I always watch and laugh at the memories. Oh Deki, you shouldn’t have! If I could just have one more hug, one more gist session, just one more sister trip, anything! Death is extremely curt, so rude, so wicked.
Sammy is doing great, he had fun at his birthday party, as did all his cousins. Despite the joy, the loudness of your absence overwhelmed us a few times, I could just imagine your action at his party, you beckoning to people and passing instructions! Dayo said it will always be like that at every milestone celebration, and I agree and I’m ready for it.
Deki the unstoppable, you were such a force! Always a pacesetter, our fashionista. You started driving way before most of your mates, you were always so popular, so much fun. Our house was always a beehive of activities thanks to you. Memories of 23 Abdul Razaq road fill me, memories of you and mummy. The love, the unity, the games, the music.
Remember when we all started swimming, we would pack ourselves in the car and you would drive us to the Adisa’s Gym/pool (can’t remember the name). Gosh, we had fun growing up! And then Lagos, you and that Prado playing ‘the boy is mine’ on repeat. We would go to all the fun spots. Just us, siblings doing life together. Mega Plaza was your ‘go too for Cds and shwarma. Because of you I always bought original Cds (with my small pocket money 😊). You were so organised, I couldn’t have made it through Law school without you, thanks to your Law school notes I had something to read.
So many things we did together, memories, that’s all we’re left wiit. Thank goodness we made loads of them!
Hope you’re happy Egbon mi, you’re free at last, free from the heartaches, free from the stress. I hope you’re dancing, singing. I don’t know how it happens after death, but I know you’re good.
We’ll see you again egbon mi, Diekolola Olatanwa Aduni, and it shall be a happy day…